The diary of a self-righteous struggler

An attempt/study to analyse the nature of my unemployment

Following are the reactions/comments/reasons hurled at me when I knocked the doors of media organisations in Delhi after facing 12 rejections (miswrote it as ejaculation ;)) in campus placements.
Also included are the four interviews I gave in Chennai.

Times of India: Don’t you think you are better suited for ETNow since you have done your specialisation in Radio?

Economic Times: Don’t you think you fit into the requirements of the main TOI better?

Delhi Times:

Excerpt 1
So you gave the interview for the main TOI in Chennai? What went wrong there?
Eh..err...Sir, actually they were looking for people at Desk. I am kind of more interested in reporting.
I am afraid it’s the same case with DT. Even I am looking for people at desk.
(er...umm...Oh I see..smiles like an ass)

Excerpt 2
Am I right when I say that you are not interested in DT, but this is a ground for you to once get into Benet and Coleman and later on pursue your ideological interests by getting into main TOI?
(How very observant of you)

Excerpt 3
Even your writing style is very main paperish kinds

Hindu: We take people with 4-5 years of experience. I suggest you try in a smaller paper like The Asian Age

The Asian Age: What makes you come to a paper like us? With ACJ tag, you could have gone anywhere.

The Telegraph: We are really impressed with your profile, come to Kolkata for interview.

The Tribune: After 1 hour of search, 5 calls to just dial and 2 km on foot @ 44 degree Celsius.
Hiring to Chandigarh se hoti hai ji. (chuckles)

Business World: Our HR sits in Kolkata You send your CV to them.
(The poor guard empathises with me. He thinks, I travelled extensively from Chennai for the job. We exchange a knowing look. We part on a, ‘Sab theek ho jayega’ note.

Statesman: The guy who had been acting all bossy turns out to be an admin guy. Edit team to Nuida baithti hai ji. (grins)

IANS: What? (shock, disbelief, angst) You could not get a campus placement from ACJ?

PTI: (Punjabi aunty at the reception) Puttar PTI me job aise nahi milti, uske liye to paper nikalte hai ye log. Vaise kuch fayada to hona nahi, par apni tassali ke liye rezoom déjà.

UNI: A sarkari karamchari cum senior reporter mulls over my CV for a good 5 minutes. Adjusts his spectacles @ every 10 seconds. Scratches his head in confusion. Examines my face as if a dentist examines cavities and shoots a ‘Theek Hai’. I give a puppy-eyed look and am about to utter the golden jugaadu word, ‘Sirjee’, before he interrupts me with a ‘bulayenge aapko’ promise. The long agonising wait...

ANI: I try to fool, bribe, dodge the security guards. Attempts Unsuccessful.

Pioneer: (with inflated chest and ego) Hamara to apna media school hai

Indian Express: We don’t have any requirements as of now, but if you want you can leave your CV at the reception. (I don’t believe her).

And anyways, this year will be the first passing out batch of The Indian Express Media School
(Fuck You!)
(A generous display of middle finger to you)

DNA: I am trying to convince the Kiron Kher lookalike at the reception to let me meet the editor for once. I try emotional blackmail, human rights violation, Punjabi connection. It works. She gives me a sympathetic look. Turns back, glances towards the editor’s cabin and shudders in terror.
Nahi-2, sir ne mana kia hai disturb karne se, aapko pata nahi hai vo bahut gusse vale hai.

Reuters: I understand from your resume that you are more interested in Politics than business. Am I right in my observations?

NDTV Hindu: I see you are very passionate. But too much of passion can be harmful sometimes. Don’t you think so? (grins like a crotch scratching government official)

Tehelka: (straight face with robotic tone) (I think she likes bondage sex) I see subjects of controversy do not invoke much passion in you.

Deccan Herald: For the first time someone asks about my dissertation at ACJ. I get hyperactive and perform a breathless act that can give any Shankar Mahadevan a run for for money. I talk about the kind of stories I did in Chennai, how I reported under difficult reporting conditions. And thanks to ACJ, now I can live in any part of the country, by which I hinted at Bangalore.
So am I interested in Desk or Reporting?
Can’t you guess it by now. Obviously, reporting.
But how will you manage reporting in Bangalore when you don’t know the local language?
The same way as I managed in Chennai
Chennai!!! (surprise-2), but when did you report in Chennai?
Eh, ahem...Sir, while I was in ACJ.
ACJ!!!(Surprise-3), What is ACJ???
(I quit)

The Telegraph (Delhi Bureau-Features Office)
The second in command to the Bureau head is taken by surprise by my sudden infiltration in the office camp. All happens too quickly for her as I bombard her with my by-lines, engage in acts of narcissism, talk, sell my internships, and talk even more. I pause to breathe and so does she, I feel like a salesgirl trying to achieve a feat by selling a juicer in one minute. She thinks I have done a lot in life in too less a time. Ok, that’s a good sign.
There were a few vacancies and in fact we closed with our selection process only yesterday. But don’t lose hope, I will put in a word with the editor.
(And I like the lady)

Political and Business Daily: Never come with a photo-stated copy of your resume!
(And I thought these small papers don’t have attitude)

Sikh Times
Yes, there is actually a paper by this name!!!