Kites:With holes!

Film: Kites
Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Barbara Mori, Kangana Ranaut, Kabir Bedi & Subtitles
Genre: Subjective/Hideous
My favourite part of the movie was when just 15-minutes into the movie a little girl in the theatre cried out, “par papa ne to kaha tha k picture achi hogi” and as they say, the rest is history.
For starters-
Hrithink Roshan reveals more cleavage than the ‘firang’ import
Kangana Ranaut fits in ease with every dysfunctional/psychopathic role directed her way.
Kabir Bedi fits with ease in every ‘obscenely rich businessman’ role directed his way.
“Iska muh band kyu nahi hota?”-As my mom famously inquires about Barbara Mori.
Subtitles- Enjoys the maximum screen time. His Indian wife, the ‘Hindi Subtitle’ makes her debut in Bollywood. She is a bit too naive for her role and was definitely left red faced when the screen read Bayaliss Daalr ( 42 dollars) in hindi.

‘Kites’ is an expensive/ridiculous attempt at making the ultimate ‘epic love saga’. It’s an attempt at being a ‘Qayamat se Qayamat tak’ plus the foreign locales, bronze look, electrocuted dance, gorgeous bodies/cars, delicious kisses and minus the story, intensity and everything in between.
You don’t feel any love in this love saga as the lead actors either converse in sign language or with theatrical expressions. Hrithik’s forced winking of eyes and strained smile makes you want to throw up. Autowallas in Chennai manage better English than Barbara’s ‘Me love you’. The humour is obvious and the action scenes raise more laughs. I suggest banning this movie in the States as the US Police might just sue the producers for treating them as equals to Bollywood cops. In one of the scenes, when the lead pair is being chased by the police, the couple jumps in to a mammoth vehicle containing cars. Unarmed, our first Indian super hero/jaadu’s best friend uses cars as missiles to combat police vehicles. For his final assault, he sits in a car which miraculously already has gas and keys waiting for him. He hits the car in front of it with full speed, which in turn moves in suspended animated down the mammoth vehicle and lands straight on the face of police vehicles. Big explosion and it goes down as one of the worst/hilarious/nightmarish scenes in Bollywood history.
Also, a few words for the director, Anurag Basu should be prevented from thinking that just because he shares his first name with a certain ‘Kashyap’ doesn’t mean that he can try his hand at symbolism, parallel narration and other arty indulgences often preserved for the intelligentsia. It’s no co-incidence that Hrithik’s room in the movie is a tad too similar to Abhimanyu Singh’s room in Gulaal. Hrithik, shown as a greedy/materialist/opportunist in the beginning of the movie has Che Guevara as his inspiration on the walls. Certainly, Basu’s inspiration is unthoughtful and short-sighted.
P.S- Go watch the movie if you are a bit low on self-worth. You will feel more intelligent than Anurag Basu.